Thursday, December 11, 2008

Racists Panic as Blacks Discover the Internet

I always thought the Internet was created by Al Gore and some prominent pornographers in the 80's, but apparently the Ku Klux Klan’s Grand Wizard at the time became a silent partner in the beast that would evolve into the World-Wide Web. HTML is in fact the ancient and once secret tongue of the KKK used to talk about black’s while in church, and was adopted by the Wizard as the descriptive code for this invention as part of a totally evil racist conspiracy. Gore wanted to create a platform for people to bitch about how everything should be "green," the pornography barons wanted to fulfill the fantasies of middle-schoolers everywhere, and the KKK pigs wanted to create opportunities for the white men, recruit impressionable teens mentally exhausted from masturbating 14 hours a day, and deprive the African American community of their culture.


Thankfully, an innovative marketing firm 40A created BlackBird, the first web browser designed specifically for the African-American community, to break down the electronic walls we never even knew were there. This browser is powered by Firefox, but has several important differences.

  • a black and brown color scheme
  • pre-installed links to notable black sites
  • a modified black search feature
  • black news feed
  • black videos
  • a fund to raise money for OJ's appeal


Most of you didn’t even realize how white the internet is. Although it may appear as a colorless forum of anonymity, apparently the BlackBird designers felt that although content relative to the African-American community exists on the web, prejudiced meta-search engines like Google prevented a culture from flourishing. Some see Blackbird as a divisive, weird, unnecessary, marketing ploy, hearkening back to the days of segregation. Should there be a "separate but equal" internet for Blacks, another for Hispanics, another for Crackers, and yet another for the Rest?


When reached for comment, the KKK Public Relations goon said grimly,” We knew this day would come. We had a good thing going for quite a while. I only wish we hadn’t revealed our secret language to the world. Now we speak in Pig-Latin and I just feel like a jackass."

5 comments:

  1. They should make one for spics with salsa music and random girls in bikini...and every 10 minutes there should be an advertisement break done by the Sabado Gigante dude.

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  2. another clever blogger suggested they name the Hispanic browser "BlackBean."

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  3. no need to panic everyone, MMC is hispanic, so she can say those sort of things, like black people can say nigga and whites can say whatever they want

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  4. Haha, omg "the blacks" and "the gays" have discovered the internet, my my the racist sheet wearing folks who have found the interwebs must be shaking in their southern boots.

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  5. all this time and energy we as Americans have put into resolving racism in the world, neglected the one placge it sought refuge and grew in strenth- the so called interweb. its evident on any porn site you visit, where they "segregate" vids and pics into categories like "Asian", "Ebony" and "Orgy". unacceptable.

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