Terrorists are the New Indians

The American Indians stand to be some of the most savagely mistreated, marginalized, and abused people that the White American Man has ever decimated. The native peoples we gave cholera infested blankets to (and forced into small plots of land to drink our firewater and learn the secrets of the casino) have been demonized in our culture for no real reason other than being in the way of our Destiny. This prejudice was passed onto American children, who equated the Indians with the Bad Guy, and the American Cowboy with the Good Guy. This concept endured until WWII, when it became Cowboy versus Nazi Pigs. In the 1960's it became Cop versus Hippie, in the 70's Capitalists versus Communists, in the 80's ThunderCats versus Hair bands, in the 90's it went back to Cowboys and Indians for a few years, and then shifted to the Internet versus Saddam....In the 21st Century, the last American Cowboy finds himself President of the United States, and he and his screwball regime decides to create a real shitnami during eight years of tragically abused power. In this reign, a new version of the classic Good and Evil archetype has emerged, and thus, Freedom versus the Terrorist.

Hence, the creation of toys like this pseudo-LEGO Mr. Bandit, a must have for any boy or girl whose passion for Freedom burns like gonorrhea. BrickArms, a small family toy company in Seattle specializes in knocking off LEGO toys, with a historical and violent twist.

And who better to team up with your radical insurgent toy than a German SS Major, sporting a fancy hat and silver MP40 SMGs. There isn’t anything these two diabolical scoundrels can't scheme up: Overthrow pervasive Western culture, win the Amazing Race, open up a Quizno's franchise, lead a Little League soccer team to victory (overcoming insurmountable odds after Marty Bernstein mysteriously disappears). I smell a sitcom with star potential.

Since America is clearly the infallible source of all that is pure and moralistic, we have the unavoidable responsibility of demonizing a people until it’s no longer convenient, then moving on to the next. American Natives and Terrorists have undergone similar persecution (albeit for dissimilar reasons). Both were hunted down ruthlessly, both are denied basic legal rights guaranteed to Human Beings, and both have been made into toys for our Cowboys to triumph over again and again. But with all these enemies, it’s often hard to figure out who we are at War with.

Now that it has been transformed into a child's toy, we finally know who the Enemy is.